mouth feel

i'm starving. really really starving. and it's totally self inflicted. i'm hungry but i don't want to eat becuz none of the things i'm *allowed* to eat right now make my brain happy. i need something with a good mouth feel. something that my teeth can sink into.

right now i'm doing a "carb detox" as part of a dietary change. it's supposed to kick-start everything by letting my body know that we're going to be doing something different. it's really not that bad, cuz you can eat a lot of food. it's just that the only fruit you can eat are either oranges or grapefruit, and you can only have 2 slices of bread: one for your mid-morning snack with either margarine (i've been using butter, but shhh!), hummus or peanut butter; and one with dinner, plain. there's also this really yummy chocolate protein powder for lunch and breakfast that really helps. but the snacks are all either almonds (for which i substitute soy nuts) or veggies. i need something that feels good in my mouth.

i did break down yesterday afternoon and have 2 pieces of Hershey's cookies & creme. i just relished the chocolate melting in my mouth. but yesterday was day 2. i really wanted today, day 3, to be as close to perfect as i could. but cauliflower just kinda crumbles in your mouth. and soy nuts leave little chunks in your teeth. and neither of them have the delicious aftertaste of fudge. or cake. or even just plain bread. with butter.

but i have a good friend who needs my help. she wants to run the Chicago marathon & needs to drop some serious weight. and she needed her friends to do it with her so we can be a support group of sorts. and if it means that i can get rid of my muffintop, then all the better :) and you can do ANYTHING for 3 days. this too shall pass :)

working out

ok, so i've been going to the gym & working out like a fiend. not becuz i really care, cuz my clothes fit for the most part, but mostly becuz my dr. told me that if i can commit to working out 5 days a week for at least 45 minutes of cardio i can get off my meds. awesome! but for the past 2 weeks, i've taken alexander to school & gone directly to the gym 4 days out of 5, and i've actually GAINED A POUND!!! really? what's up with that!?

now, i've been going to the gym and doing at least 35 minutes on the elliptical machine (cuz 45 minutes is too blasted long!) and then either walking on the track if kellie's with me, or doing some weights or something. and i'm trying to make better food choices cuz if i'm doing the physical part, i might as well get skinny, right? but i still feel fat and sluggish, and this morning i actually had to cut my workout short cuz i thought i was gonna pass out. thank goodness i'd packed some apples for isabelle & i for afterward, cuz otherwise i would have gone straight to the drive-thru at mcdonalds :) i would have gotten a smoothie, but they're SO good with a small fry. and the calories cancel each other out, right? :)

so i'm starting to think there's something else going on. i need to see my dr. anyway to talk about this mysterious non-carpel tunnel pain in my hand, so i'll mention this to her as well. i know my dad's pre-diabetic & my brother's hypo-glycemic & i'm a hypochondriac, so... :) either i'll be fat & medicated or skinny and neurotic, so we'll see what happens...