prozac sucks my butt

i don't think it's working. i haven't felt this listless or despondant since before i started taking my meds. even zoloft worked better than this. it's been less than a week, though, and i know it takes time, but this sucks. i don't even have the energy right now to scream at the kids *smile*. all i want to do is eat (even though i'm not hungry) and take a nap. i just sat and watched an hour of curling and still have no idea what was going on. the rock was in the house, but they hit the button and pushed it into the 8 ft ring. hunh? but i can't help thinking that it wouldn't make sense even if my brain was working. i feel like a combination of the wind-up doll commercial and the claritin commercial, before they take the film off the camera *smile*

i've got so much stuff to do, too. i hafta find isabelle's bathing suit and pack for a 2 day vacation. and i need to make granola. and write a letter to my husband's principal so she'll let me sell jewelry at his school. and make more jewelry so i can keep up with my posting comittments. and figure out how to pay my bills and/or sell more jewelry so i can pay my bills *smile*. but i just wanna take a nap. this sucks :(

i also am bummed cuz i can't find a good video of measha brueggergosman singing at the olympics. i found one on youtube, but it sucked and i don't know if it was the video or my computer. there was another one that was clearly taken with someone's cell phone that really sucked, but this one was pretty good. she rocked my world! especially her hair! i wish my hair would have done that before i let it lock.

and i also wanted to blog about the ice dancers from russia. i really liked them, until i saw their "aboriginal dance" which just made me want to scream! i mean, seriously! i don't know what made them think that it was representative of anyone's native people,, but it looked more like cavemen. i missed it so i watched it on demand and was amazed. how could anyone be that clueless? and her, with her mouth open the entire time just made her look like a dunce. i was embarrased for them.

i survived chuck e. cheese! :)

...and when i first walked in, i wasn't sure i would!

i had never been to chuck e. cheese until last night. i could have died a happy girl never having set foot into a chuck e cheese. but my friend kellie had her daughter's b-day party there yesterday, so off we went -- all 4 of us -- to that mouse's pizza parlor.

at first i'd just planned to go by myself with the kids. but christopher counselled me against that. i truly had no idea. i am so grateful that he came with us. i really don't know how i would have managed without him with both kids. neither one of them is old enough, or tall enough, to go anywhere there by themselves. there's a section of games designed for them, but it was packed. the place was full of kids from 5 weeks (obvously not partaking of the festivies *smile*) to adulthood. i was absolutely flabbergasted when i walked in the door.

and they are a serious wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am birthday party provider. we were late, cuz the kids didn't wake up from their naps as early as i'd hoped. but when we got there about 1/2 hour into our designated party slot, the pizzas were ready and the kids were being called back to the table. they were given 2.5 seconds for pizza and an additional 3.8 seconds for partying with chuck. then the candles were blown out and the kids were lead away, pied-piper style, by the mouse himself back into the play area. i really didn't understand that, cuz while they were away with the mouse, the "party hostesses" cut the cake, but there were no kids to serve it to. icame back to the party table cuz isabelle has discovered she's hungry again, and the party hostess comes to tell us that we've got to move from the designated party tables cuz it's time for them to set up for the next groups! i don't think any of the kids (other than isabelle *smile*) got cake, cuz none of them came back to the party area until after we'd moved everything to a different table. and there wasn't really any partying with the birthday girl, cuz everyone was off with their cup of tokens playing games. there were 2 parties in our time slot, clare and one other boy, and 3 parties in the time slot after us.

the cake was wonderful! very rich chocolate made with hershey's chocolate. and the sandwich ring they had for us parental types was very good. but the pizza sucked! it was obviously not made with love and straight from a box. but once the kids got over their initial shock of being in such a loud place with so many kids, they had a great time. when we first got there, both of them were hugging my legs. but we practically had to drag them out when it was time to leave.

i don't want to go back any time soon, but i know i will have to return eventually. we have more tickets to win so we can get a prize. of course, the good stuff is like 4000 tickets, and we've got 43, so it'll be a while *smile*

it's beginning to look a lot like ... carrots?

well, as many of you know, my sister, michelle, loves carrots. so when i had to decide what to make her for Christmas, i made her a carrot :)

in my shop, all my polymer clay key keepers are stars. the only other shape i "mass produce" is a flower. but for friends and family i make custom ones, depending on who they are and what they love. and i'm totally into doing custom orders, so if you know someone who'd totally dig getting something original, let me know -- i'd love to make something! :)

my mother, step-mother and neighbor all love the Lord, so they got crosses, in different colors depending on what they like. well, actually gloria hasn't gotten hers yet cuz she's in the phillipines so i just haven't mailed it yet. but i didn't want to make a cross for michelle -- i wanted to make her a carrot!

and i was so excited when alexander came down into my craft area and asked me why i was playing with a carrot -- that meant that it really looked like a carrot. i was very proud of myself for the color mixing and design, cuz i didn't have a carrot cookie-cutter. i guess i could have looked for a mold or something, but that wouldn't have been anywhere near as much fun :)

of course, i had to wait until she got it before i blogged about it, since she reads my blog -- i didn't want to spoil the surprise! and when i talked to her this afternoon, she was so excited about her carrot key keeper. now i just hafta make one for myself! :)

another day, a different med...

well, today was my 2nd day on prozac. i was nervous, cuz when i switched from zoloft to lexapro it sucked. the first day was ok, cuz i still had enough zoloft in my system to carry me through, but the lexapro hadn't kicked in yet. the 2nd day, my husband came home and i was lying on the floor in the living room, cuz i just couldn't get up *smile*. i can look back and smile now, but at the time it was a bit of a tragedy. i don't know if the transition is going better this time cuz i'm in a better place, or if it's just a different type of drug. my pcp explained that all of these drugs are "cousins" and they all do the same thing, just a little bit differently. i can't get over how one drug works well for one person and not for another.

i don't know if prozac is the right drug for me. it didn't work for my mom. but it works great for my friend and her husband. but depression sucks, and i've got so much going on right now that i can't just sit and cry all day long :). my kids demand to be fed regularly, and i can't just feed them toast, cuz i hafta make the bread. why did i start doing that?

but there is no rest for the wicked today. the kids have been upstairs for almost 2 hours, but there is no rest in sight. hopefully tonight will be an early to bed night. but we need baths, so we'll see. i guess they know i'm not really going to beat them :)

strangers make you eat dog food...

i've been talking to my kids lately about staying with me and the dangers of being taken by a stranger. it's really interesting the responses they come up with.

isabelle thinks that strangers make you eat dog food. and sometimes cat food. she also thinks that you can't eat people cuz they're hard to chew.

alexander just doesn't want a stranger to take him cuz he wouldn't be able to cuddle with teddy at sleepy-time. he's the one i want to get implanted with a microchip cuz he talks to everyone.

i've also already had the chat with them, mostly at bathtime, about who gets to touch/play with their private parts. mommy & daddy get to wash them, and dr. greene can touch them if mommy or daddy's there. but they're the only ones who get to play with their own girl/boy parts. this is especially important in the bathtub, since they bathe together. isabelle is fascinated with alexander's boy parts. i had to break her heart the other day. we were talking about how she's doing such a good job going potty and keeping her panties dry while she's awake and how when she gets bigger she'll wake up when she has to potty. and she said "when i get bigger, i'll have a boy part like alexander and i can stand up to potty!" she just crumpled when i had to let her know that she'll always hafta sit down to potty and she'll never have a boy part. i remember my sister going through something similar and now she's a lesbian. should i worry? :)

but it's pretty sad that at 2 & 4 i've already had to talk to my kids about abduction and molestation. i checked the megan's law website and there is a sex offender on my street. i'm pretty sure he's an adult offender and not a pedophile, but... it's a very different world now than the one i grew up in. although a lot of these things still happened, they just weren't discussed.

snow-pocalypse

if my husband doesn't go back to school soon i may end up in jail. the snow will end one day, right? God never commanded anyone to build a snow-ark, right?

a snow holiday

we've been in our house for 5 days now. except for our little snow holiday. we went across the river to harmarville on monday night and randomly picked a motel. it was the calm between the storms -- the roads were relatively clear from friday/saturday's storm, and the tuesday/wednesday storm hadn't started yet. actually, even monday night some of the roads were pretty bad. i had to go back home after we had dinner cuz i'd forgotten my meds and i was slowed down by an accident and 2 bobcats removing snow from the roads. with all the snow we've had to clear, i think they're running out of places to put it! :)

it took christopher 2 solid hours to clear our driveway on saturday. i don't think i could have done it. and it was really too much even for a snowblower. and of course, being the guy he is, he went out after he did our to help a couple of other people do theirs. :)

but we've only gotten about 8 inches of additional snow since yesterday, although it's still snowing. i have no doubt that tomorrow will be another snow day for christopher. i feel bad for the kids, though, cuz it's too much snow for them to go play in. although chris did build a snow cave for them on sunday. they haven't been out to play in it since then. it's really cold and windy with blowing snow and they just sink down in it. the 22 inches we got over the weekend was too deep, so i have no idea what they'd do in almost 3 feet of snow! :)

the school delimma

well, i thought i had more time to figure this out, but clearly i don't. alexander is 4 and will be going to pre-school in the fall and then kindergarten the year after. but our school district is quickly going downhill and we hafta figure out what we're gonna do.

option 1: private or catholic school. this option could get really expensive really fast. the catholic school in our area is really good, but if you don't tithe enough, they add the difference to your tab every year. and even if you do tithe enough, it's still expensive. there's a great scholarship program for "children of color" here, but it doesn't start until 4th grade. but the fabulous thing about it is that they pay for everything from grade 4 on. but the competition is stiff and it's all about grades and financial need.

option 2: moving! in the long run, it would really just be cheaper to move into a better school district. but looking at the stats of the better school districts in the area they're pretty expensive and pretty un-diversified. according to one list i looked at, penn-trafford school district has one of the top 10 elementary schools in pennsylvania, but has 0.0% african american students. i don't want my kids to be "the only" (like i was a lot!), but i do want them to get a good education. i looked at another list that ranked schools by the amount of money allocated per student. some of the schools that were near the top were some of the worst in the state, so obviously that list was bunk!

but the final point is that our school district sucks. they're going to a "super-school" the year that alexander will be starting kindergarten, and i don't really want all 1200 elementary school students in one building with my 5 year-old. although people are fleeing penn hills like rats from a sinking ship, so there will probably only be a fraction of that number, but still! but moving makes me sad a little. it's be awesome to get a bigger house, cuz we're kinda outgrowing our little house, but i'd miss our neighborhood and our neighbors. most of the "better" school districts are farther out from the city and it's either new development, which is kinda sanitary with no mature trees, or kinda rural, where it would be impossible to run next door to borrow a cup of sugar. there's pros and cons to everything. we just have to figure out what's important and go from there.

be careful what you wish for! :)

my kids had been really sad cuz we didn't have any snow and they couldn't go sledding. so we were all thrilled when we went to bed last night and it was snowing. we were supposed to get an additional 8 inches of snow overnight and then another couple during the day today. i think mother nature flunked her math
class!










i can't wait to get the kids dressed and go outside. unfortunately christopher's having a hard time making a path for us, so we'll see.

although, it may actually be too much snow to go sledding in. i don't see how we'll get the kids up the hill if the snow is up to MY knees! :) too bad we don't have any snowshoes! :)

oops! it's a guy!

i love to read. i read a lot. usually i borrow books from my friend kellie, but she only reads regency romances, and i like other stuff, too, so sometimes i hafta go to the library. of course when we got there today, alexander found out they don't have a thomas table and wondered why we were bothering *smile*.

but i went today, and when i look for books, i tend to look for certain publishers and book cover types. most of the books i like (that aren't regency romances *smile*) are by red dress ink or kensington. they tend to be the larger paperbacks. roughly the same size as a hardback book, but paperback. in the book world they're called trade paperbacks (i think. it's been a while since i worked at borders *smile*).

so i went today in search of new reading material. and i don't read the back cover blurb, either. i just look for an appropriately sized paperback book with an interesting looking cover and title and go. especially when i'm with the kids. i usually get between 5 & 10 books in about 10 minutes, so that i don't have to worry about the book sucking -- i've got something else to choose from. but i don't think that red dress ink even publishes men, and i didn't think kensington did either, BUT I WAS WRONG!!! i was on my way to the car when something said "look at me..." i looked and saw that one of my books was written by not 1, but 2 MEN!!!

as a general rule, i don't read books written by men. oh, sure, i know that some of my romance novels are probably written by men who use a pen name, but i don't need to know about that. there's a couple of science fiction/fantasy writers i like and a couple of african american authors i like, but they are few and far between. actually the only ones i can think of right now on the spot are eric jerome dickey (who i stopped reading a couple of books ago cuz i didn't like him anymore) and robert heinlein.

so i'm going to stretch myself and START with my men book tonight. we'll see how it goes. that's what i get for judging a book by it's cover :)

new month, new joys, new stress :)

well, it's february. the taxes are done, and i faxed mine to my student loan holder to apply for the income based repayment plan this afternoon. that's a huge monkey off my back! :) i love obama!

the taxes were a huge pain in the butt. we filed married filing separately, which meant we weren't able to claim things like student loan interest and the earned income credit. really weird things. and chris's refund is MUCH smaller than last year. but what we'll be saving in student loan payments more than makes up for it, so we're good. and i don't owe as much as i thought i would. only 1 of my 3 jobs withholds any taxes, so i thought i was gonna be totally screwed. but i claimed every deduction i could as a self-employed individual and suprised myself. i'm even getting a refund from PA! :) now i hafta figure out what i need to do to be legit with my jewelry. in for a penny, in for a pound :)

but today was also the first day that i'm in a new retail location with my jewelry -- Crafted Treasures in Monroeville. i'm very excited about it. i've been working feverishly for the past couple of weeks making more inventory and displays and figuring out what i wanted to do. i'm not completely ready, but there's an open house on saturday, feb. 6, so i wanted to have stuff there so i can take advantage of the crowd. i got a primo spot, right up front between the front doors, so it's the first thing you see when you come in and the last thing you see when you leave. i'm very nervous, but very excited as well. we'll see how it goes! :) and i realized as i was setting up that i made some pieces saturday night during miss america that i didn't take pictures of! crap! :) but how exciting to have a black miss america? as soon as it started, i said to myself "we've got a black president. how about a black miss america?" and there she is! :)

and in addition to having pink eye (again!), i went and got my thyroid ultrasounded and i have not 1, but 2 nodules that are ginormous. okay, maybe ginormous is a (slight) exaggeration, but they're big enough that they want to stick a needle in my throat to test them. although "ultrasound guided fine-needle aspiration" does sound better than "jab me in the throat with a huge needle". :) but between the student loan people, pilates, the dentist and my pcp today, i didn't have time to call and make the appointment. it's on the top of my list for tomorrow. if i have to have my throat amputated and get one of those voiceboxes like the guy on south park, i'd rather do it and get it over with :)